


Goldfish

by ReaderRose



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Cognitive Dissonance, Dark, Darkfic, Dissociation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gaslighting, Gaslighting: The AU, Gen, Horror, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just A Lot Of Bad Things, Memory Alteration, Panic Attacks, Papyrus Has Issues, Papyrus-centric, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Canon, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Sans Being An Asshole, Sans Has Issues, Sans Remembers Resets, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Undertale Saves and Resets, Verbal Abuse, Whump, bad brother au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 17:24:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaderRose/pseuds/ReaderRose
Summary: BAD BROTHER AU"it's just a prank, bro."





	Goldfish

**Author's Note:**

> I REALLY can't shove enough warnings on this thing. This is about the edge of how dark I'm willing to go. It's not exactly horror, but... I kind of feel like pure horror would be milder.
> 
> This first chapter's not so bad. This will either have 2 or 3 chapters. I'm aiming for 2 at the moment. While this is unfinished, I expect to finish soon enough. I just wanted to upload today but ran out of time to write.
> 
> This was requested by Wakemeupinside on my A Trip To The Libarby collection, but I uh... I kind of got burned way out on this one and didn't revive it until recently. 
> 
> It's pretty dark. Mind the tags.  
> There's some points that are a little vague and could read a certain way, which I didn't notice until I read back later. _**There isn't meant to be any kind of sexual abuse here, but it could read that way,**_ so if you have any kind of issue with that kind of content, **please be careful!**
> 
> Also just in case anyone missed it: this is Bad Brother AU, the AU where nearly everything is the same, except for Sans and Papyrus's relationship. It's not a happy AU and this is not a happy fic. 
> 
> Seriously.

Sans took to reading waterlogged magazines of all kinds when the supply of books available ran out of amusement. He found that they suited him more. Cheap. Lazy. _(Unrepentant trash.)_ They gave insights into the surface and humankind that no book ever could. Great literature will tell you all about the hopes and dreams and deep thoughts and cultural zeitgeist of a population, but if you want to know the kinds of shit they'll spew on their lunch break or absently wonder about in the shower, you need to read a magazine.

They had all kinds of articles. Signs He May Be Cheating On You? (He's breathing.) How To Tell He's The One! (He's not cheating on you). What Celebrity Are You? (Whoever is on the cover).  What's In Store For Your Sign? (Vague nonsense).

It was all pretty repetitive, but hell, wasn't everything?

 

There was one article that caught his attention one day. Some stupid section about finding the perfect pet. Sans read before about how humans on the surface sometimes keep smaller, dumber, weaker creatures as pets. It was an oddity that underlined the strangeness of humans, and even stranger still was the fascination they had with the types they chose or the types they best aligned with.

Sans decided he was probably a cat person more than anything. They were independent, clever, and they lived to sleep. They sounded like the _purrfect_ match. (Get it? Because purring was apparently a cat thing.) After some thought, he found the perfect match for his younger brother, too.

 

Papyrus was a goldfish.

 

Humans bought and replaced goldfish like they were worth nothing at all. They floated around in their bowls all day and never did a single useful thing. Most pets existed for the sake of companionship, but goldfish didn't truly provide any. They were just something that existed, something that was a fun sort of distraction to look at from time to time, but nothing else.

Most fittingly, though, goldfish never, ever learned. They only had a three-second memory. It didn’t matter what you did to them. It was funny.

Papyrus never, _ever_ remembered.

 

Sans fought back the sourness that was forming in the back of his throat. Papyrus was so damn lucky. SO damn lucky. Blissfully unaware, off in his own stupid little world. He didn’t know what it was like. Though... that gave Sans an idea. He’d run a little low on pranks lately, but this one sounded promising. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Papyrus’s face.

 _(Sometimes he disgusted himself. Then he remembered it_ **_didn’t fucking matter)_ **

 

* * *

 

Papyrus woke up with a heavy knot in his stomach and the familiar sensation of dread. He wanted to go back to bed, try to sleep it off, but that never worked, and sleeping late would only leave him vulnerable. Sans loved pranks and he wasn't about to open himself up to one.

If one wasn't already in play, of course…

He tried to dismiss the feelings, but it felt like he always woke up like this. Sometimes he felt like the whole world was just nothing but… but bad things. Like there was never going to be a morning where he might wake up and feel okay.

But then, he always remembered that he _was_ okay! His life was okay, wasn't it? He had a house! Some monsters didn't have houses. They lived in the woods. (He'd tried to live with the teenagers in the woods, once, but they told him he wasn't cool enough. He'd already known he wasn't cool, but he'd been hoping they could teach him.) He had a bed. It was a little small for him, but it was a bed! And he had… he had family! Sans was family. He wasn't always very nice… but… but family was family! And Papyrus loved Sans and Sans… just didn't show it was all. Sans loved him though. He believed it! He always believed it!

He had to.

 

Papyrus wrung his hands for a moment before stopping _(“knock it off. you've got no idea how stupid that looks.”)_ and climbed slowly out of bed. So far, no signs of Sans. Sometimes that was a good thing. Sometimes Sans didn’t have any pranks, and those were sometimes very nice days. Other days, that meant Sans had something bigger planned and those days were far less nice.

But they were just pranks! Sans was really funny! Everyone liked Sans’s jokes.

 

Dismissing the thought, Papyrus made his bed, and changed out of his pajamas and into his outfit for the day. Some baggy jeans. A gray turtleneck. Papyrus liked things that covered his neck. It reminded him of a scarf he used to wear all the time when he was younger. He couldn’t remember where he had gotten it, but he’d loved it dearly… He’d gotten so used to wearing it that a bare neck felt positively exposed! It was just a scarf, (a bright red one that made him so very happy whenever he saw it! Red was his favorite color!), but he used to pretend it was a long, billowing cape! He imagined himself as a hero! Someone great! Someone worthy! Someone… _loved._

…He didn’t have the scarf anymore.

It didn’t really matter. It was just a scarf. Sans never liked it. It really stood out. It stood out too much. Sans said he was way too desperate for attention, and Papyrus realized that was true. He wasn’t a child. He didn’t deserve attention like he was one.

It was stupid.

He was glad the scarf was gone.

 

Papyrus unlocked his door _(Not that the lock ever helped. Sans had a way of getting into anything he wanted)_ , and walked downstairs. He was supposed to make breakfast for them. Sans usually didn’t eat it, and Papyrus didn’t either, but if he didn’t make it Sans would wonder why, so he kept to it out of habit. It was better to just do whatever was expected. Nothing ever changed, but that just meant nothing ever got worse!

Only today, something _did_ change. And Papyrus was instantly on alert. Sans had something cooking. Sans was cooking. He never cooked. _Why was he cooking?_

This was a bad sign. He knew it. This was another prank… Papyrus started looking around the room for signs that might prepare him for whatever his brother was planning. He wouldn’t try to stop it (that never ended well), but maybe if he figured it out he could brace himself. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt if he solved the puzzle ahead of time.

 

“G-good morning, brother,” Papyrus stammered. He always tried to make sure his voice wasn’t too loud, and often ended up erring on the side of caution. Today, he was barely audible over the sizzling pan of scrambled eggs. He didn’t think Sans heard him at first, but he knew his brother hated him repeating things.

At the lack of a response, alarms started going off in Papyrus’s head. What did it mean? Sometimes (a lot of times) Sans would just ignore or avoid him, but usually he didn’t do anything different when that was his mood. Maybe it was just a setup for a stupid pun? Maybe Sans just wanted an egg and didn’t think Papyrus could make a good one? He was sure Sans could make a better one, so maybe… This didn’t _seem_ dangerous… Sans didn’t usually do anything that could hurt this early in the morning. He didn't like getting up early to set things like that up. But if Sans was up early at all this had to be a big joke. But if he was awake that meant he wasn’t hungover, and that was really promising. But…

 

“mornin’ bro!” Sans chirped, and Papyrus jumped. It took a moment for him to calm down enough to register the words. He nearly responded with a ‘good morning’ of his own, but he’d already said it, and Sans probably _did_ hear it. He didn’t want to repeat himself, so he just forced a polite smile. (Not a real one. _Never_ a real one.)

Sans took the pan off the stove and served it onto two different plates. One plate was… for him? Sans made breakfast for him? Sans gave him a look. “gonna sit down so we can have breakfast?”

“O-oh, of c-course! I’m sorry brother. R-right…” Papyrus quickly took his seat, cursing himself briefly for not checking his chair first. (It wasn’t trapped this time. Relief.) Papyrus waited for Sans to take the first bite. It was the polite thing to do, but it was also a way to make sure Sans hadn’t done anything to the food. He’d fallen for that one a few times! Haha… he really was a dummy. No wonder Sans always managed to get him!

Eventually Papyrus did try the food, and it was really very good. Much better than he could have made.

 

Sans started talking, and Papyrus nodded along. He didn’t really pay attention, too worried about when this all would go wrong. He heard each and every word. Searching for a clue, but the whole of what he was saying was lost to him. There had to be a catch. There was always a catch. Yet breakfast went off without a hitch, and Papyrus was almost beginning to think that maybe… maybe it was fine? Maybe Sans _had_ just wanted eggs. Papyrus didn’t really speak for the duration.

“so. what do you wanna do today?”

“W-what? What do you mean?” Papyrus had no idea where this was going. This had never happened before.

“i was just thinkin, we don’t really hang out much, ya know?”

Papyrus knew a trap when he saw one, and yet his own voice betrayed him. “ _R-Really...?_ You want to hang out!?”

“sure. why wouldn’t i wanna hang out with a cool guy like you?”

 

He awaited a punchline.

 

It didn’t come.

 

“You… you think I’m cool??” Sans had never called him cool before. Not ever. And yet, here it was, for no apparent reason, everything he ever wanted. He wanted to believe this. He wanted to believe Sans had an epiphany, and he was trying to make it up to him. Yet a large, very cynical part of his mind was screaming at him. _(Don’t be the idiot he makes you think you are. You don’t need him. Please. Don’t fall for this. He doesn’t love you. He never did. Please don’t hurt yourself. Not again. This only ends in more suffering. Just_ **_leave!_ ** _)_ “...w-w-what’s the catch?”

Sans flinched, and made the strangest, saddest sound, as if wounded, and all at once all critical arguments fled Papyrus’s mind. What if this was his chance to finally be brothers, and he blew it? He knew what it was like to feel rejected. How dare he do that to another? (A thought reawakened in response to that. It screamed _‘Justice.’_ )

“no catch… i just miss how close we used to be. don’t you _remember,_ bro?”

That tone. That voice. _(There was something off about it.)_ That had never once been directed at him before. Papyrus had never been worthy before. This had to be a trick. He hadn’t done anything great, anything to deserve warmth or affection… this was a trap. This was a prank. This was a joke. _He_ was a joke.

 

But oh god, he wanted to believe, so, **_so_ ** badly.

 

“I… I was going to recalibrate puzzles today. Do you… would you… want to do it with me?”

 

* * *

 

The two brothers went out into the woods and spent the day together. It was utterly surreal.

Re-calibrating puzzles went off without a hitch. Papyrus double checked each for signs of sabotage, but turned up nothing suspicious. With two bodies working together, rather than just his one, the time it took was more than halved. Work was finished early, and neither was scheduled to patrol. Instead, Sans suggested they blow off sentry duty and spend a day together. Like brothers.

Papyrus was a dutiful worker, but the second Sans expressed disappointment at his refusal, Papyrus had caved. He could take a break, just this once.

 

Together, they built snowmen. Sans didn't put in much effort, but any effort he spent at all stunned the younger brother, who in turn tried to make a lifelike version of himself. Of course, the snow at his center had just been too narrow. It lacked support. That's why it fell apart. He'd suspected Sans, but Sans hadn’t laughed and Sans always laughed when he did something like that. Sans wasn't laughing, so whatever paranoia he had melted into heavy guilt. No wonder his brother never hung out with him, if he was ready with an accusation every time something went wrong!

 

They went skating. It was fun at first! Papyrus sometimes skated by himself when no one else was around to see, losing himself to the motions and feeling, for just a moment, _alive._ Lately he hadn’t really felt like it, though. He was just kind of tired, usually. So, while he had quite a lot of practice at skating, he was rusty, and it should have come as a surprise to no one that his own clumsy, stupid nature might eventually shine through, when at one point he lost control of himself and careened into a snowbank.

Sans laughed this time, but Papyrus couldn't blame him. He was such a clutz! It was probably really funny. What he hadn't expected was Sans to offer him a hand. He learned from an early age not to shake Sans's hand when it was offered. That shocker thing _hurt._ But he was trying to give his brother a chance, right? So Papyrus took his hand, and was pleasantly surprised when Sans didn't use it to toss him deeper into the snow.

 

* * *

 

The next few days were much the same, and Papyrus had no idea how to feel.

 

Things had been so good the day before, but it came from out of nowhere. Anyone would be suspicious. But how could Papyrus resist trying to patch things up with the only major figure in his life?

He couldn't, of course.

He couldn't pass this up. (Besides, he was stuck with him, right? Not a lot of places to get away to in the Underground, and his brother was his boss, so forget getting a reference for another job. He had to take what he could get.)

 

He was conscious of every step he took, every word he uttered, every sound he made and thought in his head. This was wrong. This was all wrong, but it was wonderful, it was nice, and Papyrus didn't want to fall for the trick at the end, because things like this always came with a trick. Things like this always came with a nasty surprise. He couldn't simply have good things. Not ever, but especially not when Sans was involved.

He was waiting for the punchline each and every second. It would be the same one as always, of course.

 **He** was the punchline.

 

And Sans… Papyrus was conscious of himself, but that paranoia increased tenfold with every motion, every breath, every word. He tried to track where he was and what he was doing whenever he couldn't see him, but as usual, it was an impossible task. He had ways of just showing up, and it made Papyrus jump every time he thought he was alone, only to discover he suddenly _wasn't._ Sans sounded hurt each time, with every jump and every yelp and every flinch. His face never changed, his expression perpetually locked, but his voice carried so much _hurt_ that Papyrus could almost imagine a frown or a pout.

_(But he knew there was no change. He knew him far too well for that. Sans's expressions hadn't changed since… He could name a date, but never a reason. Everything was just fine… until it just wasn't.)_

 

Things carried on much the same as that first bizarre day. Sans took an interest in what Papyrus liked, in what he thought, in how he felt. Papyrus tried to avoid revealing too much and revealing his hand, but Sans would always call his bluff. He always seemed to know that Papyrus was hiding something else, something more. It was uncanny. It was unsettling. Did he broadcast his thoughts that easily? He tried to hide them, but it never worked.

Sans knew everything. Everything. How was that even possible? Did Sans just know him that well? That made him feel guilty, because he didn't even understand Sans's most basic motivations. Not now, not ever. He didn't understand Sans at all, but Sans understood him perfectly. It was saddening. (It was maddening.) But Sans never seemed _mad_ at his brother for lying or avoiding… Just… _disappointed._

_(Sans had no right to be disappointed. Sans had no right to act like he was the cause of their poor relationship. Sans had no right to act innocent. **Sans had no right.** ) _

 

A week went by and Papyrus didn't know what to think, conscious of everything. He was constantly being watched. Even if Sans didn't show it, even if Sans wasnt around, Papyrus felt it. He was on display, under the bright and blinding spotlight.

It was hard to see much else.

 

* * *

 

 

“heh. long way down, isn't it? look at it. a fall from up here would kill ya dead.”

One night as the brothers crossed the bridge outside of town, Papyrus made an effort not to look over the side. He didn't want to think about it.

"you ever think about bungee jumpin, papper? we could try it one of these days, right out here. it's a great space for it."

Papyrus tried hard to play it cool. He didn't have Sans's poker face, but times like these he wished he did. Just a solid smile, unmoving, unchanging, unreadable. But that wasn't him.

"whaddaya think?"

Papyrus walked faster, not bothering to stay in pace.

 

* * *

 

 

Another week passed and Papyrus started to relax, despite himself. Sans hadn't pulled a prank in him in over two weeks! Had they really been as frequent as he always used to think?

One morning Sans was making breakfast. It was a new ritual. In keeping with it, Papyrus sat down at his spot… only to hear a loud, disgusting sounds coming from beneath him.

 

 

He froze in horror.

 

This was it. This was it. This was the start of the joke. This was the part where it all came back around on him. This was it. This was it. This was it. He hadn't been careful. He'd let himself get too comfortable. He'd been too comfortable. He’d fallen for it. Here it came. It was going to hurt. It was going to hurt. This was it.

This was the end.

This was where it all fell down.

 

A good run.

Game over.

 

This was the start.

 

It was all going back to normal…

 

 

He didn't realize he started shaking until Sans started shaking him more, calling his name, cutting like a knife through the panic.

 

It took a few moments for him to regain his senses, to pull the whoopie cushion out from under him with limbs that never felt so weak, staring at Sans with fear (and fresh betrayal).

He wanted to say a million things, but he could think of none of them, though he tried.

“are you okay…?”

It took him a moment to nod, but then shake his head rigorously. **_No!_ ** He _wasn't_ okay! He _clearly_ wasn't okay!

“it's… it's just a whoopie cushion,” Sans said slowly, as if he was speaking to a young child. (Odd, Sans had never been the one to speak to him like that) “it's not gonna hurt you.”

“I-I… I thought…”

“it was just a prank. i thought it would be funny. we'd both get a laugh, you know?”

 

Papyrus stared, trying to process that. That didn't… there was something off about that. Something there didn't seem right. But… it _was_ just a whoopie cushion.

Still, he… he explained, muttering, barely audible, “I… I don't like pranks. I don't like it when you prank me.”

 

Sans tilted his head and laughed a bit. He sounded… it wasn't laughing _at_ him but it still put Papyrus on edge, anyway. “oh man, sorry. i'm sorry. sorry, sorry, i didn't… heh. i didn't realize they bothered you. i didn't know you were that sensitive about them.”

 

Papyrus suppressed an urge to snap back at that, _(to recount the time he almost got beaten up by the teens outside of town because they thought he stole something from them, to bring up the time he fractured his femur, the days he thought he was going to die, the time that… that… that… no. And all the other things he'd been subject to because… **because!!!** He still didn't know what he did **wrong!!** He still didn't understand how **his own brother** could hate him **so much!!)**_ only holding back when he heard the nervousness, the embarrassment, Sans sounding more like him then he ever had before, stunning him into silence, dismissing previous incidents from his mind until a new idea dripped in: Maybe Sans didn't _know_ it bothered him?

The thought seemed ludicrous. But Sans was the type to take everything in stride. This month aside, previous pranks aside, he never seemed to emote much. His face literally never changed. His body language didn't either. He was solid. He was untouchable.  Always cool. Always apathetic. If the things that happened to him happened to Sans _(and were done by someone else, someone who wasn't Papyrus, someone he didn't **hate…** ) _he would probably laugh them off.

Maybe. Maybe. It still seemed _wrong_ but the doubt was there, cowing him into silence and inspiring Sans to continue in absence of opposition.

 

“i didn't mean anything by it but i'm sorry you freaked out like that. it was just a dumb prank. but i don't want to hurt you. i love ya, pal. I don't want ya feeling bad.”

 

 

_…love…?_

 

Any arguments Papyrus had died with “love ya.” He'd wanted his brother to care for his entire life, and now, finally it seemed he did.

His brother loved him.

His brother _cared._

Sans _cared_ about him!

 

“i wish you just told me sooner. i didn't know.”

The part that might have, under any other circumstances, repeated, quietly, bitterly, _(Sans should have known!!! How could he **not** know!?!?) _ was utterly silenced in the wake of the “I love you.” Instead what was left was the doubt. He never had actually _said_ that before. Had he? Hadn't he? He thought? But Sans wouldn't have said it if he had. Sans wouldn't have done it if he had? Or… or…

“I-I’m sorry for being so sensitive…” was all he managed to utter before they both smelled something burning. Sans had left the eggs while he helped him. They were nothing but charcoal and blackened grease now. That was Papyrus's fault, too, though Sans didn't blame him _(like he used to. constantly. For every little thing. Why was he letting himself forget about that…?!)_

 

He really shouldn't have been so sensitive…

 

Maybe _this_ was why they grew apart.

It made sense, actually. He was just too sensitive, too stubborn to speak up.

Papyrus had trouble reading people sometimes. He should have been more understanding that Sans had that trouble, too.

This was his fault.

He would just have to fix it. He would have to be a better brother to make up for lost time. Sans had been so good to him these last few weeks and he goes and freaks out over something as dumb as a whoopie cushion.

 

Haha… he really _was_ a lousy brother. He was glad Sans was still giving him a chance.

 

Sans was a good brother for putting up with him.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Not a great breaking off point, but it works I think.
> 
> UPDATE 11/21: I'm having a bit of difficulty with writing a few upcoming scenes, so while there is a delay, I expect it to be resolved soon.


End file.
